In 2003 I fell in love with my wife and asked her to marry me just 6 months after dating. Six months later we were married and learning the quick lesson that marriage is hard work. That year was filled with questions, prayer and counsel in making sure that I was making the correct decision. Well in case you are curious, I did!!! 13 years later I am more in love with Cherry than ever before. She is my best friend, my rock and the example that I hope to become.
In Song of Solomon we find Shulamite wrestling through a troubling dream that reminds us of the importance of knowing we are married to the right person.“On my bed night after night I sought him whom my soul loves; I sought him but did not find him.” One of the first things we see in this dream is that she is troubled by her lover’s absense. Do you long to spend time with your mate? Do you miss them when they are gone or do you count down the hours until your apart?
Verse 2 ‘I must arise now and go about the city; in the streets and in the squares I must seek him whom my soul loves.’ I sought him but did not find him. 3 “The watchmen who make the rounds in the city found me,And I said, ‘Have you seen him whom my soul loves?” Shulamite was so in love that she was willing to take risk for love. Marriage is hard because so much of our heart is placed in the possesion of our spouse. Are you willing to take risks for love?
Verse 4 “Scarcely had I left them when I found him whom my soul loves; I held on to him and would not let him go until I had brought him to my mother’s house, and into the room of her who conceived me.” I love the passion with which she shows upon finding her love. Whether it is encountering your spouse after weeks of absense or at the end of long work day, we should have a deep joy upon being with one another. Is there still joy in your heart when you are with your love?
If you are engaged or recently married, let me encourage you to consider reviewing together Howard Hendricks, “Thirty Questions Most Frequently Asked by Young Couples Looking Forward to Marriage” Some of these questions may make you blush and some may force you to seek outside council. However, it is important to grasp these questions with uniformed understanding.
- Where should a couple stop in petting before marriage?
- Is jealously part of love for your mate?
- Who should control the purse strings?
- When both are working, is the wife‟s money her‟s or both‟s? If both work, who should support the family while (if) the spouse continues his/her schooling?
- Is there any reason why the wife should not support the family while the husband continues his schooling?
- Should the husband help with housework?
- Should couples have a will drawn up soon after marriage?
- Should a young couple carry insurance?
- What are the effects of frequent business travel or unusual working hours on marital happiness?
- To what extent should we discuss our pasts?
- Is it true that people are not really “in love” until after they have been married for some years?
- When we differ, how can we work out a happy adjustment?
- Is it true that quarrels are never necessary?
- If we come from divided families, can we profit by our parent‟s mistakes?
- When we belong to two quite different churches how do we work out our differences and what about children?
- How can a couple keep in-laws in their place, but still make them feel loved and necessary?
- What if he feels she does not give enough and she feels he does not give enough, they talk about it and still feel this way, what is suggested?
- How soon after marriage should a couple plan to have children?
- When considering having children, should the decision be primarily economic?
- Are contraceptives safe to use?
- What part does each partner have in the love play preceding and during intercourse?
- Is every couple able to have satisfactory intercourse?
- Is it harmful or wrong to have intercourse during menstruation?
- Is there danger of constantly arousing sexual desires and not fulfilling this desire, in both male and female?
- How does a woman know when she reaches a climax?
- Do women undergo emotional changes during pregnancy and menstrual periods?
- How important is it for couples to know their RH factor?
- Are regular times for prayer important?
- Are there occasions in marriage when divorce seems a reasonable and even proper solution?
- If we find difficulties arising in our marriage what immediate steps should we take?